


Love Illumination

by curl



Category: Descendants (2015)
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Set after the movie, also if you think Jane/Lonnie is implied then you are correct, bisexual Jay, references to return to the isle of the lost but you don't need to know it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-06
Updated: 2017-07-06
Packaged: 2018-11-28 12:42:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11418222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/curl/pseuds/curl
Summary: The VKs have settled in in Auradon, but there are things they can't shake off so easily.Jay and Carlos love each other, of course, but they also love their friends, so what makes this different?It's a difficult journey to figure out where exactly they stand with each other and how strong their bond really is.





	Love Illumination

**Author's Note:**

> aaaaaaaaaa i've started this in august last year and it still isn't finished but it shouldn't take too long from now.  
> i'm posting the first chapter for the jaylos day of the fandom countdown, i don't know when i'll update but i'll try to make it quick :>  
> (i think it'll be about 60-70k words when it's done)
> 
> title taken from Love Illumination by Franz Ferdinand
> 
> * indicates a change of pov

It was the middle of the night when Jay was woken up by a high-pitched noise. He couldn't identify it at first, but when he heard a bark he figured it must have come from Dude.  
Jay turned on the lamp on his bedside table and blinked against the stinging light. On the other bed, Dude scuttled up and down in distress beside Carlos, who made a noise like he was trying to say something and started twisting and turning.  
Just when Jay had regained his senses enough to say something, Dude barked again, louder, and Carlos shot up, immediately shutting his eyes at the sudden brightness.

"Carlos?", Jay whispered, careful not to startle him, "Everything okay?"  
Carlos winced like he had forgotten that Jay was also in the room. "Uh, yeah.. it was just a nightmare.  
"Oh," Jay answered, but he wasn't surprised. He had noticed that Carlos was having nightmares quite regularly, and quite frequently.  
Jay did, too, not that he would ever admit it, but not as much and not as extreme, and he was starting to get worried about Carlos. 

The four of them, the villain kids, had adjusted to life in Auradon, and they loved it here, but growing up on the Isle of the Lost had certainly left a mark on them. Not everything was perfect and there were times when Jay, Mal, Evie and Carlos let their true selves be seen behind the masks they had taken on to hide their pain. Nobody except them could tell, though.  
And Jay wondered. He wondered what Mal was thinking when she had to pose as decoration for Ben, why Evie still put so much effort into her looks, and what about Carlos' nightmares was so bad that it made him break out in a cold sweat.

"Sorry for waking you up," Carlos whispered and his voice almost sounded guilty.  
"No big deal," Jay responed and Carlos laid back down, not looking at him once.  
Jay watched him for a few more moments before he switched off the light and laid down himself.  
He wanted to pry further, wanted to ask Carlos what his nightmare was about, wanted to _help_ him, but even though they had a mutual understanding of what they had been going through, they never talked about it.

Ever since they came to Auradon, he and Carlos had become a lot closer, especially since they were allowed to call each other "friend" now, but there was a distance that remained.  
It was obvious that Carlos had difficulties with dealing with the things that had happened to him in the past, but everytime he got the chance to ask him what was bothering him, he couldn't get the words out.  
He wanted to do something, but he couldn't figure out how to poke a whole in the invisible wall between them.  
Talking about feelings wasn't exactly his forte, and he didn't even know if Carlos wanted his help at all.

*

The next day during tourney practice, when Carlos was waiting by the sidelines for his turn to play, he watched his teammates, although he found himself mostly following the number 8 with his eyes. He could be content just watching, and that was what he was planning to do.  
The only problem was that he had no idea how to break it to Jay, so he decided to talk to Ben first.  
These days it wasn't easy to get a hold of Ben. The young king was always swamped with royal duties, making it hard to get a chance to talk to him, but Carlos trusted Ben a lot. He always tried his best to listen to all his subjects and act in their best interest.

He wasn't sure why he was afraid of telling Jay, though. The two of them had become better friends than Carlos ever would have thought, but maybe they had reached the end of the line. They never really talked about really important stuff, after all. Stuff like their feelings, their worries, their fears.  
Carlos partly blamed the Isle for that, because they had never learned how to foster friendships, but what if Jay didn't want to be any closer anyway?  
Maybe that was Carlos' biggest fear; that Jay wouldn't even care if he left the tourney team.

It seemed like a good idea to Carlos to get an outsider's opinion before telling Jay.  
As soon as Ben was switched out to let another player have their turn, Carlos approached him.  
"Ben, can I talk to you for a second?"  
"Sure, what's up?", Ben asked, not taking his eyes off the field.  
"Uhm.. I just.. I want to quit tourney," Carlos stammered.  
This caught Ben off guard and made him turn to face Carlos. "What? Why?"  
Carlos shrugged and avoided to look at Ben directly. "It's just not really my thing, that's all."  
"But you've come such a long way!", Ben responded sincerely. "What did Jay say?"  
"I haven't talked to him yet," Carlos answered with a pang of guilt, looking down at his feet.  
Ben let his eyes wander over the field again. "If you don't want to play anymore I guess there's no helping it. The team will lose a valuable player, though."  
Carlos smiled at Ben's words. They both knew it wasn't really true but he appreciated it nonetheless.  
"Are you sure?", Ben then asked, just to be absolutely certain that Carlos wasn't making any rushed decisions.  
"Yes," Carlos answered.  
Ben nodded. "Alright, tell you what, we'll talk to the coach tomorrow before practise. And in the meantime you should talk to Jay. I'm sure he'd want to know beforehand."  
"Okay, thanks, Ben," Carlos said and was grateful that Ben didn't ask him to justify himself any further.

 

It took Carlos the entire rest of the day to work up the courage to tell Jay.  
Whenever Jay talked about tourney he was so full of passion, and Carlos wished he could share that feeling, but he just didn't.

He sat on his bed, ready to go to sleep, and avoided looking at Jay while he changed into his pj's.  
Jay pulled his hair out from under his shirt and turned to look at him with a somewhat concerned expression that he wasn't sure what to make of.  
"..Something wrong?", Jay asked and sat down across from Carlos, not taking his eyes off of him.

"I'm gonna quit tourney," Carlos said before he could chicken out again. He looked up at Jay cautiously to see his reaction.  
Jay just sat there with creased eyebrows and didn't say a word.  
After a few tense seconds, Carlos figured he had to elaborate. "I'm just.. not very good at it and to be honest I'm not having all that much fun.. I mean I basically get beaten up everytime and-"  
"It's fine. If you don't want to play you don't have to," Jay cut him off.  
Carlos raised his eyebrows slightly. "Okay. So you're not mad or anything?"  
Jay gave him a perplexed look. "What? Why would I be mad?"  
"I don't know," Carlos answered and shrugged, "You just love it so much, I thought you'd be upset."  
"Nah.. You said you're not having fun. And it's not like I'm forcing you to play.."  
"Okay," Carlos said and gave him a forced smile.

He was relieved that Jay seemed to have taken it well, but was left with the unsatisfactory feeling that something was missing.  
Maybe he was just used to people getting angry with him and that was why it felt weird that Jay didn't.  
But maybe it was the thought that Jay didn't give him any kind of reaction because he wasn't important enough to him.  
Maybe to Jay, Carlos was just not worth getting upset over.

*

Jay lay awake for quite some time after their conversation. He wasn't mad at Carlos, that was true, but he sure as hell wasn't happy either.  
He had always known that Carlos wasn't as passionate about tourney, but neither were some of the other players, so he didn't think much of it.  
Was this the only reason he didn't want to play anymore, though? Jay couldn't help but feel like it was his fault.  
Back on the Isle Carlos must have found him rather intimidating, as did all the other kids (except for Mal, of course). Did Carlos expect him to get mad because he still thought of him like that?  
How long had Carlos been thinking about quitting? Did Jay unintentionally pressure Carlos into staying on the team?  
The last thing he wanted to do was force Carlos into unpleasant situations.

Jay turned around in his bed to find Carlos fast asleep, only Dude's ears twitched at the noise.

*

The days after Carlos quit the team he noticed a change in Jay's demeanor. For one, he stopped talking about tourney, at least when Carlos was around.  
Not that Carlos was particularly interested in hearing about it, but he liked the way Jay got excited whenever he talked about it.  
What was even worse, though, was how Jay kept his distance, literally. Usually he stayed close to Carlos, touched him, nudged him, ruffled his hair, but he just stopped doing any of that.  
Maybe this was Jay's way of showing him that this was as far as their friendship would go.  
Jay was the best friend Carlos had ever had, but what if the only things connecting them were Mal, Evie and their past, and their friendship was bound to cease eventually?  
What if someday Jay would find someone who had more in common with him than Carlos?

 

One day after class Carlos went straight to the library. He usually spent a lot of time there since Maleficent was kept somewhere else now, and perhaps being surrounded by all the knowledge of Auradon would help him take his mind off Jay.  
But instead of being hit by inspiration to work on a new invention like he had hoped, he found himself wandering among the shelves aimlessly and ended up picking a book about the history of magic, which was about the opposite of what he needed for his projects.  
He sat down at an empty table and started skimming through the pages. With every word he became more and more confused and as it turned out that was because it was written by Genie.  
And that reminded him of Agrabah, of Aladdin, of Jafar, and of Jay.

He sighed and closed the book, when suddenly a voice startled him. "Hey, Carlos, mind if we join you?"  
Carlos turned around to find Lonnie smiling at him brightly. Next to her was Jane, smiling as well, albeit not as eagerly.  
"Sure," he answered and tried to mirror their friendly expressions.  
"Did you do math homework yet?", Lonnie asked as they took a seat.  
Carlos shook his head no.  
"Oh, do you think we could do it together then?", Lonnie said, "There are a few things I don't really understand.."  
Carlos wondered if this was the only reason they wanted to sit with him, but he decided it didn't matter right now. A few simple math problems sounded just about right to put his mind at ease for a while.

When they were done, Lonnie slammed her notebook shut as if she couldn't get rid of the numbers soon enough.  
"By the way," she began, "I heard you quit the team, how come?"  
Carlos shifted in his seat uneasily, not liking the reminder, but he tried to shrug it off. "I've never been that big on sports." The only sport he had ever truly mastered was running away from bullies on the Isle.  
"Oh, Lonnie, maybe you should join in his stead!", Jane suggested with an excited gleam in her eyes.  
"Sure, if you become a cheerleader," Lonnie teased her and then giggled, "I guess I can try."  
Carlos gave her a lopsided smile. "I'm sure you'd be a lot more useful to the team than me."  
She snorted and said, "Don't say that, you weren't _that_ bad." With a look at the big watch above the door she stood up. "Anyway, I gotta go. Thanks for the help, Carlos. See you guys!"

Carlos wasn't too happy that she left him alone with Jane. Not that he didn't like her, but she was quiet and Lonnie had been the driving force in their conversation.  
Jane was playing with her fingers and seemed kind of nervous, but she did speak up after a few awkward seconds. "The other day my mom mentioned that you want to talk to someone on the Isle of the Lost. Who is it?", she said and then quickly added, "Uhm, if I may ask."  
He wasn't sure why she wanted to know that, considering his request to Fairy Godmother wasn't all that interesting. "My old teacher, Yen Sid."  
"Oh, I've heard of him! He's a volunteer, right? Not a villain," Jane responded and looked at him curiously.  
Carlos was surprised that she knew the name at all. He always thought the people in Auradon never talked about the Isle.  
But nevertheless he smiled at the memory of his former teacher, whose knowledge had been one of the only joys he had had before he came here.  
"Right, but I think he's not the only good guy there," he explained, deciding that he could let Jane in on his thoughts, "I mean, me and the others turned out to be good, right? I figured if anyone knew which kids should come here next it would be him. Besides, I like talking to him, he's my friend. I think a video call should be fine. No-one on the Isle is smart enough to eavesdrop anyway."

Their conversation went on for a while. They talked about Yen Sid, the dome, and eventually magic, but unfortunately Jane didn't know all too much about it.  
Carlos enjoyed that she was genuinely interested when he told her about his projects. It was a nice change from Jay, who never seemed to care that much for what Carlos was doing.

 

Later that day, during dinner, the villain kids plus Ben were sitting at a table in the cafeteria.  
Ben was telling them about that day's tourney practice enthusiastically. "..And then I scored. I can't believe how we pulled that off! It was incredible, right, Jay?", he said, expecting Jay to share his excitement.  
But Jay just muttered a forced, "Yeah!", and resumed eating his food.  
Ben, Mal and Evie exchanged confused looks and Carlos sank down in his chair.  
He wanted to talk to Jay, especially since he felt like he was the reason Jay was acting so weird.

Carlos may have friends now and was allowed, or even encouraged, to express his feelings, but this was still so new to him.  
Plus, he had no idea what Jay was thinking about all of this. Maybe he would just brush Carlos off or think of him as a whimp for wanting to talk about feelings..

As he sat there, not really listening to the conversation, he mentally scolded himself for not having more faith in Jay, he had been the first to follow Mal's example to choose good, after all.  
Things had been pretty good between them ever since, and the thought of losing Jay made him all the more anxious.  
But maybe it was about time they started talking - really talking - to each other if Carlos wanted their friendship to move forward.

 

Shortly before bedtime Carlos still hadn't thought about the right words to start the conversation with Jay.  
He was sitting on his bed with his laptop, trying to type out an email for Yen Sid, but when he glanced at Jay he suddenly felt like every tap on his keyboard was way too loud in the otherwise quiet room. He closed the laptop and just sat there for a few moments until Jay noticed him staring into space. "What is it?"  
Carlos snapped out of it and blinked at Jay in confusion. "Oh, uh, nothing. I was just thinking."  
Jay nodded slowly and turned his attention to his phone again, but Carlos decided to take the plunge and asked, "Are you really not mad at me?"  
Jay looked up again and thought for a moment. "You know what?", he began and tossed his phone aside, "Yeah, I am." He sat up straight on his bed, but didn't look Carlos in the eyes.  
Carlos dug his fingers into the bedsheets, there was no going back now. "..Because I quit tourney?", he asked cautiously, hoping his voice wouldn't crack.  
"Yes," Jay snapped at him but then retconned and continued more hesitantly, "No, I mean, I thought we were friends."  
Carlos raised his eyebrows in surprise. He didn't expect Jay to say something like that, and he didn't understand. "But we are," he responded, albeit with uncertainty.  
"Then why did you quit?", Jay asked, finally meeting Carlos' eyes. He sounded almost hurt, but in a way Carlos was relieved about that, because now he knew that Jay at least cared.  
"I.. I just don't like it as much as you do," Carlos tried to explain, "That doesn't mean we can't be friends anymore.. right?"  
Jay stayed quiet for a bit as he was thinking about what to say next. He looked to the side, "Do you even _want_ to be friends?" The tension in the room seemed to weigh down on his shoulders.  
Carlos stared at him in bewilderment for a few seconds before he could answer. "What? Of course! ..Do you think I quit because I don't like you?"  
"No! I mean, sort of..", Jay responded, visibly uncomfortable, "...Didn't you tell me sooner because you thought I'd hurt you or something?"  
"That's not it!", Carlos responded and looked down at his lap when he continued more quietly, "It's just that tourney was the one thing we did _together_.. and I guess I was afraid you wouldn't care if that was no longer the case.." Carlos' cheeks turned slightly red at the word 'afraid'. It was no secret that he was scared of a lot of things, but this was a different kind of fear, and admitting to it wasn't easy.  
"No, I do care..", Jay said and then huffed, "Man, Auradon has really made me soft, huh."  
Carlos snorted quietly, he liked it when Jay was soft.  
"But seriously," Jay continued hesitantly, "If.. if something's up you can tell me, okay?"  
Carlos smiled at him. "Okay. You can tell me things, too. And you can still talk about tourney, you know? No need to hold back."  
Now Jay smiled as well, making Carlos' heart beat a little faster.  
"By the way," Carlos then said, biting his bottom lip, "I don't think you'd hurt me."  
Jay nodded and was about to respond, but Carlos was faster, "You're like, the least scary person I know."  
Jay raised his eyebrows, "Are you trying to insult me?"  
"Maybe," Carlos said with a smirk and his laughter was muffled by a pillow hitting him in the face.  
He knew that Jay could be scary, just like Mal, or even Evie if she really wanted to, although they hadn't really made use of that ever since they came to Auradon.  
However, even back on the Isle Carlos had soon realised that Jay wasn't out to hurt him, which was why he had always enjoyed his company. With Jay he felt safe.

*

Even though Carlos wasn't around during practice anymore, Jay still looked around the field or over to the sidelines every now and then, expecting to see him there, and was disappointed everytime.  
It didn't help that Ben had to skip tourney quite a lot either.  
Not that Jay didn't like his other teammates, but there was just something missing.

One day after lunch, Jay went back to their room by himself - again - because Carlos was working on one of his projects in the library.  
Just as he was about to turn on the TV, there was a knock at the door. "Come in."  
Mal stuck her head inside, looking around before she entered. "Hey," she began as she walked up to Jay, "I, uh, I just wanted to make sure that whatever happened between you guys is over, right? Since you're acting normal again?"  
Jay raised and eyebrow. "Yeah, everything's fine," he answered and added with a sarcastic undertone, "Glad you noticed."  
Mal smirked, "It was kind of obvious that something was up."  
Running a hand through his hair, Jay sighed and said, "Just imagine what the kids on the Isle would say if they had seen me like that." He didn't know what had compelled him to say that, but if anyone could understand him it was Mal.  
Back then he would have been shunned for being weak, for showing emotions.  
"What they think doesn't matter," Mal said and shrugged, "They can't touch us here."  
"Yeah I know..", Jay mumbled.  
"But I get it. I think about that all the time, too," she then said. "I just try to remind myself that they don't even understand how much better off I am than them."  
Jay nodded, "I guess you're right."  
With a smirk Mal responded, "Of course I am. And you know what Ben keeps telling me? That I don't have to act so tough all the time, and neither do you." Her expression softened and she spoke on, "I know it's hard, but.. you can come to me, or Evie, or Ben, and Carlos too, if you need anything."  
Jay looked down. He didn't like how small he felt when she talked to him like that.  
But he knew she meant well, and he really did appreciate it. "Thanks, M."  
Mal took a step back and exhaled forcefully. "Wow, if the Isle kids could see us now!", she said, pretending to be shocked, and Jay laughed.  
It was a little weird to think that Mal and Jay had once been among the baddest of the bad.

The door flew open and Carlos stumbled in, trying not to trip over Dude between his feet.  
"Just getting some things," he explained absent-mindedly while he hurried around the room to collect some of his stuff, his laptop, a toolkit, a bunch of wires and whatnot.  
Mal and Jay watched Carlos in amusement as he tried to balance everything in his hands.  
"What d'you need all that junk for?", Mal asked as she caught a screwdriver mid-fall and placed it on top of the pile Carlos was holding.  
"It's not junk!", Carlos retorted, looking slightly offended. "I'm making something, just you wait!", he then said with this excited gleam in his eyes he alsways got when he was onto something. "Gotta go, Jane is waiting for me, bye!" With that he rushed out of the room again.  
Mal turned to Jay with raised eyebrows. "They've been spending a lot of time together lately, huh?"  
"Yeah, I guess..", Jay mumbled in response. She was right, whenever Carlos was working in the library, Jane seemed to be there, too. He told himself that it was no big deal, that it was good for Carlos to branch out a little, but it gave him a feeling he couldn't quite explain.  
"Why so serious?", Mal remarked at his stern expression, "You jealous or something?"  
Jay shook his head in confusion. "What? I'm not into Jane." He became even more confused when Mal laughed.  
"That's not what I.. It was just a joke, okay?"  
"Very funny," Jay grumbled.  
He wasn't jealous, that was for sure, he was just a little disgruntled that Carlos had hardly spent time with him lately.

A few seconds later, Evie barged in, opening the door with one hand while gracefully balancing a pile of books in the other. "Knock, knock, I'm coming in," she greeted them and dropped the books onto the table. "I just ran into Carlos on my way here, well, he ran into me, he could barely see where he was going with all that junk he was carrying," she said with a giggle.  
Mal put her hands on her hips and mimicked Carlos' tone, "That's not junk!", and laughed.  
"We still have our assignment to do, Mal," Evie said and gestured to the books she had brought.  
"But you're not gonna do it _here_ , are you?", Jay asked, not fond of the idea of them hogging his desk.  
Evie rolled her eyes playfully. "But our books are already here! You're not gonna make me carry them around _again_ , right? And I'm sure you still have homework to do as well, and Carlos isn't gonna help you today, is he?"  
Jay sighed in defeat. One of these days he wouldn't let Evie win by just fluttering her eyelashes.

 

That night, Jay was lying on his bed and playing a game on his handheld, when he heard barking and someone kicking the door.  
"Jay!", a muffled voice called from outside.  
When he opened up Carlos was standing in front of him, hands full with his tools and parts and whatnots.  
"What the fuck?", Jay said and looked at him expectantly.  
"Sorry, couldn't knock," Carlos said and shuffled past Jay into the room.  
Jay watched him drop his stuff onto his bed. "You're back late, I thought you were gonna sleep in the library."  
Carlos began putting away his things and answered, "I probably would have but they were closing and kicked me out."  
"Sounds like you." Jay smiled to himself as he got back to his game. "What are you making anyway?"  
"Oh, it's nothing, really. Just a little experiment," Carlos answered, but his face lit up. "Jane's helping me. Did you know she's been practicing her magic? We're combining magic and technology! Well, at least we're trying to."  
Jay looked up. "So Jane's been with you the entire time?", he asked, trying not to sound too curious.  
"Nah," Carlos said, still busy organizing his stuff and not looking at Jay, "She left a while ago, but I didn't want to stop."  
Jay didn't know why he was relieved to hear that. It wasn't like Jane wasn't allowed to spend time with Carlos.

Carlos spent the rest of the evening with his eyes glued to laptop, interrupting his rapid typing every now and then to stare at the words for a few moments to figure out a problem.  
Jay could tell he was thinking hard by the weird faces he was making at the screen.  
Meanwhile he was lying on his bed, playing with headphones so as not to disturb Carlos, even though he usually got so invested in his work that he wouldn't notice a tornade sweeping through their room.  
After a while, Jay looked up to find Carlos passed out on the desk, head resting on an open book in front of his laptop.  
He walked over to him and put a hand on his shoulder to wake him up. However, Carlos didn't react but instead of nudging him or saying his name Jay just let his hand rest there, looking at his face and getting lost in thought.

On the Isle Jay used to tell himself that he merely tolerated Carlos being around him.  
Mal had probably influenced him in that way. He never would have admitted it, but Mal did have power over him. Despite competing with her for the spot of most evil teen on a regular basis, he knew deep down that he would always come second.  
It had made it all the less acceptable to view Carlos as an equal. Jay had to compensate his position under Mal by cementing his position above everyone else.  
He had always enjoyed Carlos' company, though, even though he wasn't allowed to say it. There was just something about him that made everything a little brighter.  
Now he couldn't imagine not having him around and he could finally give him the credit he deserved for being the amazing person he was.  
One day Jay might even say that out loud.

He moved his hand up to Carlos' head and ran his fingers through the black-and-white curls, warmth building in his belly as he watched his face.  
When Carlos made a noise Jay retrieved his hand quickly, hoping he didn't notice.  
Carlos lifted his head slowly and blinked at him.  
"Hey," Jay said, "time for bed."  
"What?", Carlos mumbled and looked around before rubbing his hands over his face.  
Jay smiled at him softly. "You fell asleep on the desk again."  
Carlos groaned, "Ugh, sorry." He closed the laptop and turned to face Jay with an apologetic expression. "I think I'm really onto something here, though."  
Jay ruffled his hair. "But drooling onto the keyboard won't help you figure it out."  
"I didn't drool," Carlos mumbled, sligthly embarrassed, but wiped over his chin with his sleeve, just in case.

*

_Carlos furrowed his eyebrows at the familiar stench of tobacco and dust. He turned to his side and opened his eyes slowly._  
_It was dark, the only source of light was a small crack under the door of the room._  
_As he looked around, he could make out the outlines of the fur coats looming above him like a curious crowd._  
_"Carlos!", called an all too familiar voice and it took him a moment to realize that he must have overslept. He jumped to his feet and the voice, undoubtedly his mother's, called again, "Carlos! Where the hell are you?!"_  
_He fiddled with the doorknob and thrust the door open. The sudden bright light stung in his eyes and he felt dizzy from getting up so fast._  
_He stumbled across the room as his mother kept yelling. "The kitchen is a mess, What are you, a pig?! What if someone comes over unannounced?! What will they think of me?!"_  
_"I'm sorry, mother," Carlos said as he entered the kitchen, only now noticing that his throat hurt from thirst. He didn't point out the fact that they never had any visitors anyway._  
_"There you are! Finally!", Cruella said with a huff when he stepped into her line of sight, "Make yourself useful and make me some breakfast! I have to be somewhere in an hour!" She kept rambling on and on about her hair, her nails, her shoes, and then scolded him because something wasn't right with one of her furs._  
_Carlos could barely listen. His hands were shaking and made it difficult to even hold a plate._  
_Something wasn't right._  
_Not matter how hard he tried to concentrate, Cruella's voice became more and more quiet, more distant, as if she were moving away._  
_But then the sound of shattering glass cut through the air like a knife. He had dropped a glass of water._  
_Still blinking against the light he just couldn't seem to get used to he looked at his mother._  
_Her face was wrinkled up in fury and and she seemed to grow taller and taller before him. She began shouting and cursing and the sudden volume of her voice stung painfully in his ears._  
_His vision became blurry, but he kneeled down to clean up the glass nonetheless._  
_When he looked at his hands, all he could make out was that they were covered in blood, although he hadn't even touched the shards yet._  
_The room around him started moving, making him feel sick. The swaying floor caused him to lose his balance and as his mother's piercing voice became even louder, he dropped to the side and fell._  
_And he fell, and fell, and fell._

Carlos shot up straight, gasping for air, and almost collided with Jay, who had been leaning over him.  
Next to him, Dude was licking his hand.  
Jay sat down onto the bed and examined him with a worried look on his face.  
"A nightmare," Carlos said when he made sense of the situation. He was still panting and shaking lightly.  
Jay put a hand on his shoulder hesitantly and waited a few more moments before he asked, "Do you want to talk about it?"  
Jay's voice was the polar opposite of his mother's. It was calm, warm, soothing, and from hearing it, his ears gradually stopped hurting.  
He wanted to share with Jay what had happened, but as he tried to recall his nightmare all he could get out was a choked up sob.  
When he felt his eyes fill with tears he covered his face with his hands.  
Jay, uncertain what to do, scooted a little closer and slowly, so that Carlos could resist if he wanted to, pulled him into a hug.  
Carlos let it happen. With his face still burried in his hands he leaned his head onto Jay's chest.  
"It's okay," Jay whispered, "You don't have to."

Being shrouded in Jay's scent and feeling his heartbeat helped Carlos calm down and he savored the feeling of being held by him.  
When the tears had stopped coming he let his hands sink and mumbled, "Sometimes.. I think none of this is real.. Or that one day someone will tell us that we have to go back." He felt Jay's arms wrap tighter around him. "I just can't imagine that we're gonna spend the rest of our lives here."  
Jay sighed. "It's weird how soft these beds are, huh."  
Carlos closed his eyes. "Yeah."

They stayed like this for a while longer.  
When Carlos yawned, Jay took it as a sign that it was enough and pulled back, which was not what Carlos wanted but he didn't have the courage to ask him to stay.  
"Feel better?", Jay asked, inspecting Carlos' face.  
"Yes," Carlos answered and rubbed over his eyes, "Thanks, Jay."  
Jay ruffled his hair, although it was more gentle than usual, before he stood up and returned to his own bed.

Carlos was left with a racing heart, not because of his nightmare, but because of the realization of how close they had just been. He had never experienced this kind of intimacy before, and he found himself wanting more of it, more of Jay. 

"Good night," he heard Jay mumble as he snuggled down in his pillow, and he smiled to himself, because Jay was the best friend he had ever had.


End file.
